15 Month Check Up.

::Waiting in the pediatrician's office::

Mom: "My boy goin' get shot. You get SHOT, shot, SHOT, shot."

Me: "Seriously Mom? I wouldn't say that here... In the waiting room, while they are super busy and there are like 30 other people in here."

Mom: "Wha? My baby goin' get SHOT!"

Me: "You might freak a kid out. It's already bad enough that they have to be here and now you keep saying the word that would make them freak out the most."

Mom: "Mommy been do dis' my whole life. Ok? I take you, your brother bof' to doctor to get shot when you young time. Ok? No big deal. My baby get SHOT!"

::Some random kid starts to scream and cry, "I DON'T WANT TO GET A SHOT!"::

Me: "See what you did?"

Mom: "Wha?"

What Is That Smell?

::Walk into the house::

Me: "What the hell is that smell? It smells like something died and threw up on itself and died again!"
Mom: "Oh that smell? Ok, I tell you something ok?"
Me: "Dear Lord what is it now?"
Mom: "Ok so outside refrigerator, no work. cause it too cold outside. So fishy you auntie put in there spoil."
Me: "So you're telling me the fish is in the fridge and you can smell it inside the house?"
Mom: "No I take it out."
Me: "Where the hell is it then?"
Mom: "In the garageee."

::We go to the garage::

Me: "This is just nasty, what the hell is going on? Is that fish juice!? Oh man this is gross! MOM! Why didn't you clean this up and throw this away?"
Mom: "You do it."
Me: "I'm leaving right now." 

Genius Button

Mom: "Melondie-a, what does this button do on phone?"
Me: "Oh, thats your genius button. You push it and tell it what you want."
Mom: "Wah you mean?"
Me: "Say you want to find a business but you're driving. You push it and say, "Find a business... Korean restaurant. It will pull up all the Korean restaurants around you on your Google Map."

::Mom looks at phone and pushes the Genius Button::

Mom: "KOREAN RESTAURAN!"
Me: "No lady! You don't have to yell at it. Just do what it promps you to do."

::Mom tries it again::

Mom: "Pind-u business-u... Korean restauran."
Phone: "Did you say, "Call Melondie mobile 1?"
Mom: "Why it never do it?"

::Laughing very hard::

Me: "Cause your phone doesn't understand Kongrish. God you're old."


Husband bought Mom a smart phone and after 2 months of having it, she still doesn't know what she's doing. I'm glad we both can get a good laugh out of it.

Octopus

Mom: "Melondie-a my baby lobe-u da octopussy!"
Me: "Mom?"
Mom: "Really, he lobe-u da octopussy! Can you believe dat? Dis boy... he someting else. You know? He really is Korean boy."
Me: "Mom?"
Mom: "Wah?"
Me: "Its pronounced o-c-t-o-p-u-s... Not octopussy."
Mom: "That what I say! Octopussy." 

Good Morning.

7:30 am ::RING, RING, RING!::
Me: "Hello?"
Mom: "Melondie-a, please help me."
Me: "OMG are you okay? Are you in your room? I'm coming!"

::I run into her room::

Me: "Mom!"

::She rolls over::

Mom: "Would you please make me coppee?"
Me: "Are you kidding me?! You just scared the shit out of me!"
Mom: "Wha?"

What Is That On Your Bed?

Mom: "Melondie-a, I tink maybe you should be more careful with you personal tings."
Me: "What are you talking about?"
Mom: "Well... Mommy go into your room to put calenda on you desk-u and I see your personal ting on your bed."
Me: "For the love of Jebus! What the hell are you talking about?"
Mom: "Maybe you forget, I show you."
 ::Walk into my bedroom::
Mom: "See, your personal tings"
Me: "A Pedi Paws for the dog's nails?"
Mom: " What is this?"
Me: "Its a electric nail.... Oh dear Lord you thought? WHY WOULD YOU? I have to go now, I can't talk to you right at this moment."