Would Like Mint With Your Tea?

Mom has a friend over and they are conversing on how proud they are of me. Mom is gabbing about my son and husband, and how she hopes this next baby I'm gestating is as cute as Turtle. Meanwhile, I've made a fruit iced tea, and I'm serving them their beverages to be nice.

Mom's Friend: "Melondie-a, I remember when you just baby, how can baby have baby? Now TWO baby! I'm so proud obu' you. You know?"

 Me: "Oh thank you, I haven't really done anything special, I'm just me."

I bend over to pour her tea and...

"PoooooOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOooooOOOOoooooooooot!"

Mom: "Yells some inaudible thing in Korean."

Me: "My bad, you know how pregnancy goes. Would you like mint with that?"

Fork

This is what I hear as I walk into the kitchen for dinner. My Mother is talking to my 21month old son who wants to only use chopsticks, she insists that a fork would be easier for his noodles. 

Mom: "Baby-ya, use-u you fooku, you fooku!"
Logan: "NOOOO!"
Mom: "Fooooooooku! No chopstick, YOU FOOOOOKU"


Me: "Mom?"
Mom: "Wha?"
Me: "Maybe you should just say it to him in Korean."

Sam's Club Adventures!

:: Mom and I are in the car driving to Sam's Club. I've actually allowed her to drive. Mind you, I never do, because I often fear for my life. She is the epitome of the "Asian Driver." This is our story as we pull into the parking lot and she tries to find parking. ::

Me: "Um... Mom? We're coming to a crosswalk! These people have the right of way!"

Mom: "No! See, they running! Is okay Melondie-a!"

Me: "Help."

Tattoos and Boobies.

Mom: "Uh oh, you not gonna' finish you tattoo until yo' baby done wit' yo' boobie."
Me: "Yes Mom, I know I can't finish it until I'm done nursing. So I'm going to have to wait a while."

::She starts to laugh::

Mom: "You boobie gonna' get so big again, BIG booobie"
Me: "I know, it happens"
Mom: "I'm proud you give baby milk...."
Me: "Awwwwwwe, thanks Mommy."
Mom: "But when your boobie get small like little apple, THEN you 
finish tattoo. OK? You know, like little tangerine, not like orange, but smaaaaaaaaaall one."
Me: "Yeah, I get it, thanks"


My mom has always referred to my girls as "boobies" or some sort of fruit. It's especially embarrassing when she does it in public.

3 Little Monkeys

::Logan jumps up and down on my bed as my mother is sitting there watching him::

Mom: "3 littue monkey jumping on da' bed-u, one fell off and break his arm, so no jump on bed-u anymo'... Ohh... I forgot song."


Me: "Yeah... I don't think that's how the song goes, Mom."

Mom? Where Is Your Cell Phone?

::Ring, ring! Ring, ring!::

Mom: "Herro?"
Me: "Mom? Hey, where is your phone?"
Mom: "I talk on it! You call  me on my hand phone now."
Me: "No Ma, your other phone?"
Mom: "It no ring!"
Me: "No, where is it?"
Mom: "Melondie-a! I tell you, it no ring!"
Me: "I know its not ringing, Crazy! This really nice man just called me saying that he found your phone in front of the store. You dropped it, he's nice enough to drop it off to you today there, so make sure you thank him."
Mom: "He take MY PHONE!? WHY? Why he take it?"
Me: "No Lady! You dropped it and he found it and is going to bring it back to you!"
Mom: "Oh, so how you know he have my phone??
Me: "Really? Seriously? I'm hanging up now."

My Mother can't keep track of her cell phone if her life depended on it. Its gotten to the point where we put a lanyard on the particular phone I'm talking about! Oh, and no she still doesn't know how to use that smartphone we got her. She has 2 phones, one she really doesn't know how to use and the other she loses.

You My Baby... Still...

Mom: "Because baby gone for 2 weeks, you my baby."
Me: "NO! I don't want to be your baby. You told me that I would always be your baby, then I had a baby and I'm not your baby anymore."
Mom: "But baby gone, so you have all Mommy attention."
Me: "Really!? Want to hang out Ma?"
Mom: "No, I go now. I have to go bank, then bookkeeper."
Me: "But you said..."
Mom: "You stay here by you self and play on the internet. OK? Bye."
Me: "What the hell just happened?"