This is a Blog about my Mother. She's a first generation Korean here in the states. I swear she still seems to be "fresh off the boat" at times.
I often thought she was crazy. Wait. I still do, but I love her dearly. With her sharp tongue she will curse you out in "Kongrish" and for those of you who aren't hip to the game... Well its Korean-Engerish.
Here is a little glimpse into my world, and how sometimes our conversations are Lost In Translation.
My Son's new favorite song is The Wheels On The Bus. My Mom is here in Nashville helping care for my little guy as I'm in the last leg of my second pregnancy and am basically immobile at the moment from sciatic pain.
Turtle asks my Mom to sing his song while we're driving down the street.
Mom: Da' reel-ru' on da' bus-u' go round and round-u', round and round-u', round and round-u'. Da' reel-ru' on da' bus-u' go round and round-u' all down da' road-u'
Da bus-u' then hit da' curb-u', hit the curb-u' and da' bus almost hit da' ma... Me: Mom! No, no, no! Don't say what you're about to say. Mom: Wha? I don't know this song. Mel: Yeah, let's stick to the ones you know.
Mom and I don't often see eye to eye when it comes to certain vocabulary or topics being said to my son at the age of 2, i.e. the bus about to run over a man.
Mom and I, once again, discuss name ideas for the new baby.
Mom: Melondie-a, why you no want to name baby Sean?
Me: Mom, Sean is a great name, it's just not his name.
Mom: No, not Sean! I say, "SEAN!"
Me: But...
Mom: You know. The sun SEAN so bright-u!
Me: You want us to name him "SHINE."
Mom: Oh, you no like it?
Me: ...
Between my Mom and my Mother In Law, I don't know who comes up with the best of the worst names. Good thing my husband and I can just laugh at their ideas.
My son had his first ever Christmas Pageant at his school, for us this was a great milestone, as he has just turned 2. We really didn't know what to expect. What the hell are a bunch of toddlers going to do? Possibly do exactly the opposite of what you tell them to do? How about just sitting there blankly? We understood this was more for us the parents., then them. We came to bask in the cuteness and hilarity of it all. To video tape the moment and send it to our families. To have blackmail video to show L's girlfriend when he's 17.
My Mother... Oh, my Mother. I made sure to inform her that she would be getting the video in an email. I've linked her email to her phone, but then again she still has yet to learn how to use the smart phone we got her last Christmas. So there you go.
Mom: Melondie-a, WHERE YOU NOW!?
Me: I'm at home giving L a bath.
Mom: WHY YOU NO SEND ME BIDEO!?
Me: Mom, calm down, I did send you the video.
Mom: NO, No, No, No! I NO SEE! You no send to my pone! WHY!? I want to see MY baby!
Me: MOM! Stop yelling at me! If you knew how to use your phone, you could see it. Check your email, I sent it to your email.
Mom: Oh... You send to Mommy emair... So... I on the way home now... I go home and check ok? By the way, I no yelling at you, Mommy just asking you why I no have bideo.
Me: Mom, I'm pretty sure you were just yelling at me.
Mom: ::Screaming at me in Kongrish:: I NO YELL AT YOU! YOU NO SPEAK TO MOMMY THAT WAY!
She hangs up on me.
Husband: Is everything OK? Mom seemed like she was upset? Is she mad about something? Me: Oye.
After spending Thanksgiving with my In Laws at their home in Sarasota FL, we were happy to be back in Nashville and to get back into our groove of things. I call my mom and strike up a conversation with her, both my husband and I think it's a good idea to ask her what we should name the new baby, as it seems that everyone else has an idea on what we should name him.
Me: "So what do you think we should name the baby?"
Mom: " You want to know what Mommy tink? OH! I like Sean!"
Me: "Sean?"
Mom: "Yeah, Sean good name!"
Me: "Um, we're not really feeling Sean. We were thinking Isaac."
::She starts to yell at me on the phone in Kongrish.::
Mom: "Mommy can't say Isaarc! Too HARD! How about Lee?"
Me: "Mom that wouldn't sound nice with our last name."
Mom: "Then why you ask me!? I go now."
::She hangs up.::
Me: "Well... That went well. Don't you think that went well, honey?"
Mom: "Where are you?" Me: "We're out eating Pho." Mom: "I keep try to call you on Skype but you no online, so you no answer." Me: "Well... Mom... I can't answer if I'm not home, or my laptop isn't on." Mom: "I know, I call you to tell you."
::Starts screaming kongrish into the phone to Logan."
Me: "Mom he can't hear you, you're just screaming in my ear. I have to go we're in the middle of dinner."
::My family has moved to Nashville which is roughly 3 hours away from my mom. We're on Skype and this is what she says to me.::
Mom: "Melondie-a, I miss you." Me: "I miss you too." Mom: " I'm sorry, I miss you... But not how I miss Logan." Me: "WTF? Fine, I miss you too, but not how I miss my friends." Mom: "Bad girl! You can't talk to me like that!"
This is what I hear as I walk into the kitchen for dinner. My Mother is talking to my 21month old son who wants to only use chopsticks, she insists that a fork would be easier for his noodles.
Mom: "Baby-ya, use-u you fooku, you fooku!" Logan: "NOOOO!" Mom: "Fooooooooku! No chopstick, YOU FOOOOOKU"
Me: "Mom?" Mom: "Wha?" Me: "Maybe you should just say it to him in Korean."
Mom: "Because baby gone for 2 weeks, you my baby." Me: "NO! I don't want to be your baby. You told me that I would always be your baby, then I had a baby and I'm not your baby anymore." Mom: "But baby gone, so you have all Mommy attention." Me: "Really!? Want to hang out Ma?" Mom: "No, I go now. I have to go bank, then bookkeeper." Me: "But you said..." Mom: "You stay here by you self and play on the internet. OK? Bye." Me: "What the hell just happened?"
Mom: "My boy goin' get shot. You get SHOT, shot, SHOT, shot."
Me: "Seriously Mom? I wouldn't say that here... In the waiting room, while they are super busy and there are like 30 other people in here."
Mom: "Wha? My baby goin' get SHOT!"
Me: "You might freak a kid out. It's already bad enough that they have to be here and now you keep saying the word that would make them freak out the most."
Mom: "Mommy been do dis' my whole life. Ok? I take you, your brother bof' to doctor to get shot when you young time. Ok? No big deal. My baby get SHOT!"
::Some random kid starts to scream and cry, "I DON'T WANT TO GET A SHOT!"::
Mom: "Melondie-a my baby lobe-u da octopussy!" Me: "Mom?" Mom: "Really, he lobe-u da octopussy! Can you believe dat? Dis boy... he someting else. You know? He really is Korean boy." Me: "Mom?" Mom: "Wah?" Me: "Its pronounced o-c-t-o-p-u-s... Not octopussy." Mom: "That what I say! Octopussy."
::Ring, ring:: Me: "Hi Mommy" Mom: "Where is Baby?" Me: "He's watching Yo Gabba Gabba with Dada." Mom: "I miss him. I love him... He okay wich' you?" Me: "Well considering that he spends pretty much 100% of his time with me I would have to say... Yes." Mom: "I miss him, I feer empty." Me: "I love you Mommy and I miss you!" Mom: "NO! I no talk about you! I talk about my baby! I miss him. No you!" Me: "Whatever lady, I'll put you in a home." Mom: "Wha?"
What can I say? She's fond of our spawn. Who wouldn't love that face?
Me: "Mom we've almost made it to Nashville. How's Little Man?" Mom: "You know what he did?"
Me: "No Ma, thats why I'm calling you."
Mom: "He got up from nap, and messed up everything! Then he go to your room and go to Daddy's side of bed and he POO POO sooooooooooo BIG! He just stand there! No move, just poo poo!"
Me: "Hahahaha! Awesome."
Mom: "Whatchu' mean awesome? That no awesome, his poo poo BIG! You know that? He stink so bad! How can cute little boy do something like that? He grossu'."
