Melons

Mom and I are at my Midwives' office. It's a bit crowded and we're waiting for my name to be called, so I can waddle back and get on with the routine checkups. We're seated next to a very pregnant mom with 2 cute toddlers, and a couple from Senegal.  

Mom: Melondie-a, you give baby milk like you do for my Wahng-ja? (Prince in Korean)

Me: That's my plan. Little man hasn't been really sick or any other major health issues with the exception of the Hand Foot and Mouth and sinus/allergies. So really, it's a win-win.

Mom: That's good... You know? You booboo look like BIG MELON.

::The lady with the kids just starts laughing. The couple look a little shocked. I'm mortified.::

Mom: You booboo only going to get bigger, then my Wahng-ja going to be jealous when he see you give my new baby milk with you MELON BOOBOO!

Me: Mom can we please stop talking about this right now?

Mom: What's wrong? Mommy just...

::The nurse opens the door and calls my name.::

Me: Oh thank God. 

The Wheels On The Bus.

My Son's new favorite song is The Wheels On The Bus. My Mom is here in Nashville helping care for my little guy as I'm in the last leg of my second pregnancy and am basically immobile at the moment from sciatic pain. 


Turtle asks my Mom to sing his song while we're driving down the street.


Mom: Da' reel-ru' on da' bus-u' go round and round-u', round and round-u', round and round-u'. Da' reel-ru' on da' bus-u' go round and round-u' all down da' road-u'


Da bus-u' then hit da' curb-u', hit the curb-u' and da' bus almost hit da' ma...
Me: Mom! No, no, no! Don't say what you're about to say. 
Mom: Wha? I don't know this song. 
Mel: Yeah, let's stick to the ones you know. 

Mom and I don't often see eye to eye when it comes to certain vocabulary or topics being said to my son at the age of 2, i.e. the bus about to run over a man.

Shine.

Mom and I, once again, discuss name ideas for the new baby.

Mom: Melondie-a, why you no want to name baby Sean?

Me: Mom, Sean is a great name, it's just not his name. 

Mom: No, not Sean! I say, "SEAN!" 

Me: But...

Mom: You know. The sun SEAN so bright-u!

Me: You want us to name him "SHINE."

Mom: Oh, you no like it? 

Me: ...

Between my Mom and my Mother In Law, I don't know who comes up with the best of the worst names. Good thing my husband and I can just laugh at their ideas. 

Where's The Video!?

My son had his first ever Christmas Pageant at his school, for us this was a great milestone, as he has just turned 2. We really didn't know what to expect. What the hell are a bunch of toddlers going to do? Possibly do exactly the opposite of what you tell them to do? How about just sitting there blankly? We understood this was more for us the parents., then them. We came to bask in the cuteness and hilarity of it all. To video tape the moment and send it to our families. To have blackmail video to show L's girlfriend when he's 17.

My Mother... Oh, my Mother. I made sure to inform her that she would be getting the video in an email. I've linked her email to her phone, but then again she still has yet to learn how to use the smart phone we got her last Christmas. So there you go.

Mom: Melondie-a, WHERE YOU NOW!?

Me: I'm at home giving L a bath.

Mom: WHY YOU NO SEND ME BIDEO!?

Me: Mom, calm down, I did send you the video.

Mom: NO, No, No, No! I NO SEE! You no send to my pone! WHY!? I want to see MY baby!

Me: MOM! Stop yelling at me! If you knew how to use your phone, you could see it. Check your email, I sent it to your email.

Mom: Oh... You send to Mommy emair... So... I on the way home now... I go home and check ok? By the way, I no yelling at you, Mommy just asking you why I no have bideo.

Me: Mom, I'm pretty sure you were just yelling at me.

Mom: ::Screaming at me in Kongrish:: I NO YELL AT YOU! YOU NO SPEAK TO MOMMY THAT WAY! 

She hangs up on me. 

Husband: Is everything OK? Mom seemed like she was upset? Is she mad about something?
Me: Oye. 

Charley Is A Little Dumb.

We adopted a Cockapoo for our son after watching my cousin's Cockapoo, Daisy last summer. He's a good dog, but when his fur is too long, he can't often see that well b/c his vision is limited due to the amount of hair. My Mom is visiting and we're sitting on the sofa watching my son and Charley play tug-of-war with each other.

Mom: Wow! Charley really love baby. Just like Daisy, but I don't know, Charley, I think he little dumb dog.

Me: Mom! My dog is not dumb!

Charley and L run into the living room ::BAM!:: Charley runs into the bookshelf and my toddler tumbles onto the floor in front of us.

Mom: See, I tell you, Charley little dumb dog. 

She Always Knows Just The RIght Thing To Say.

My Mother and Step-Dad drive down from Louisville to visit us here in Nashville. When she walks in, I'm making a big batch of Korean chicken wings for my husband's potluck at his school. Mom is hovering around surprised that I'm cooking Korean food and that I am actually baking the wings opposed to frying them. I then ask her if she and my step-dad would like to eat, she raises an eyebrow and is surprised that I have a whole Korean meal with side dishes available for them to eat.

Me: Mom, are you and J hungry? I made bossam last night and all the banchan to go with it.

Mom: You!? You make-u BOSSAM? How you know how make?

Me: Mom, there is this grand place called the interwebs, it's a fountain of knowledge! Besides, I did learn a lot from family too.

Mom: Okay, Mommy want to try, YOU bossam, you have rice? You have...

Me: Don't worry Mom, I got it under control, you're in my space let me clean up from cooking and I'll set you guys up. 

I proceed to get their meal together. Main dish, dipping sauce, the homemade kimchies, side dishes, all the fixins'. She and my step-dad are a little shocked and look at each other and begin to eat.

Mom: Melondie-a, this taste like a Korean lady make this! You sure you no buy!?

Me: Well that's a little insulting.

Mom: Oh... My daughter she no need me no mo', she good mommy, she cook any food. You such a good housewife!

Me: I'm a good "housewife?" Ok, I'm going to go and hang myself now... Thanks. You really know how to make a person feel the warm and fuzzies!

Mom: Wha? Is that the dope?

Mom? What Do You Think We Should Name The New Baby?

After spending Thanksgiving with my In Laws at their home in Sarasota FL, we were happy to be back in Nashville and to get back into our groove of things. I call my mom and strike up a conversation with her, both my husband and I think it's a good idea to ask her what we should name the new baby, as it seems that everyone else has an idea on what we should name him. 

Me: "So what do you think we should name the baby?"

Mom: " You want to know what Mommy tink? OH! I like Sean!"

Me: "Sean?"

Mom: "Yeah, Sean good name!"

Me: "Um, we're not really feeling Sean. We were thinking Isaac."

::She starts to yell at me on the phone in Kongrish.::

Mom: "Mommy can't say Isaarc! Too HARD! How about Lee?"

Me: "Mom that wouldn't sound nice with our last name."

Mom: "Then why you ask me!? I go now."

::She hangs up.::

Me: "Well... That went well. Don't you think that went well, honey?"